I received a message today from an individual who is interested in incorporating Tantra into his life, yet unsure how to begin. This is one of the most common questions I am asked by my readers, so I thought I should touch base on the topic here. When I first began my path to incorporating Tantra into my life, I didn’t even realize that’s what I was doing.
I was simply poking around my mom’s book shelf and found “The Joy of Sex”. No one discussed sexuality in my home, so the book literally floored me. I was so intrigued that I continued searching for related books, writings, and later, experiences. I then stumbled upon a Buddhist text that I found equally intriguing.
At 14, I lost my virginity to a date rape situation. Although I had experienced some sexual abuse at the hands of my adopted father, I had managed to keep my virginity in tact. Something about the experience, the pain, suffering, and shame, caused me to become self destructive and reckless. The course of my life changed in a moment. Not because of what happened to me, but because I was unprepared and unsupported.
The experience left me questioning humanity. I wondered if everyone was capable of such horrific violence when no one was watching. Would anyone do such a terrible thing to an unsuspecting young woman? Was the core of each human evil? Because I was damaged and alone, these experiences continued happening to me.
I was like a magnet for abusers. It was as if something in me was broken and every predator could see my weakness. I was a constant target. I experienced a gang rape at 16 and married an abusive man (my first marriage). The gentle, loving touch I had witnessed while reading The Joy of Sex was lost to me. The spiritual teachings in the Buddhist text I read was a distant memory.
A lot of you who have been reading my blog already know these stories and understand on some level my path to sacred sexuality. sorry if this is a repeat for you, but I felt compelled to share today. My intention is to illustrate that, no matter how far down you are…no matter how broken your soul is, there is a path to satisfying sex, passionate connection, and deep intimacy with yourself and your current or future partner. If I can go from a broken little girl who is physically and emotionally shattered, to an empowered woman who fully embraces her sexuality, you can too.
During my teens, I saw glimpses of compassion, of beauty, and of bliss. It was not all bleak and self destructive, I at least had moments that helped me know that I wanted more for myself. It was as if I were walking around with an inner knowledge that, at some point, my life had to get better. Luckily for me, I was right.
I continued exploring spiritual and sexual teachings from around the world. I was inspired by a local speaker to take my studies even deeper. It was not my intention to teach what I learned to others. In fact, I began writing this blog as a sort of “public diary”. It was more of a daily journal practice for me.
It wasn’t until I had been blogging for about a year that I even realized there were “blog stats”. In fact, when I realized people were reading my blog, I immediately deleted it. It was then that my email inbox filled with messages of support. People missed reading about the subjects I was writing about.
That is why I continue to open my path and share my vulnerabilities with you. So that you may also experience the kind of deeply satisfying connection I have manifested in my life. As far as finding your path to spiritual, sacred, sensual connection, I cannot say for sure what direction you must go.
Your path will of course be different than mine. We may have some things in common, but though we are living in the same world and possibly have some shared experiences, your path is unique to you. If you are new to this path, I recommend going to a large bookstore, or an online book store and searching for books on related topics that you feel drawn to.
For me, Tantric Orgasm for Women illuminated my path for me. However, I have recommended this book to others who have not enjoyed it, which is why I recommend finding a book that speaks to you. I recommend incorporating massage into your life if possible. Either with a partner, or a registered masseuse. I am not speaking of the “happy ending” type of massage, just basic human touch with a professional practitioner.
I am not against happy ending massages, I just know that, especially for people in relationships, they can be very destructive. As an advocate for partnership, and loving connection, I ask that you at least contemplate the potential damage from seeking out this type of massage.
Beyond reading and massage, I recommend finding a form of movement that engages you. For me, I love facilitating ecstatic dance workshops and classes. For you, it might be attending a yoga class, or going on a long walk, but moving your body is an integral part of this path.
If you are not a fan of meditation, simply focus on the power of your breath. Breath has the capacity to transform us. It is such a simply path, yet such an effective one. Simply place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen, deepen your breathing pattern and focus on the sensations in your body.
If you have a partner who is equally eager to explore sacred sexuality, wonderful. However, this is also a common challenge that couples face. One partner is open and the other is not. You cannot force your partner to embrace sacred sensuality, it is something they must come to in their on way and in their own time.
I will continue this post and dive deeper into supporting you on your path to sensual awakening, but life calls. From my heart to yours, Joy