Heart Break and Tantric Healing

Hey folks, I think I lost my head for awhile. I had pulled away from my practice and my blog, but recently I have found myself feeling less passionate about life. Then, in a random moment, I ended up in a conversation with a heart broken man who was eating at the same restaurant I was. He and his father were sharing a meal and ended up sharing their life stories with me. I mentioned the work I do and the father said “Please help my son, he has had his heart stomped on and cannot move forward.”

It turns out that his wife of over two decades cheated on him and then, when he forgave him, she still left him for her lover! His pain was massive…overwhelming, and debilitating. So, I did my thing…right there in the restaurant. I simply did a bit of talk therapy, then placed my hand on his heart and asked him to breathe colored light into his body. He chose the color blue, so together we breathed blue light into his body.

I then had him go back to a time in his life before he felt heartache. He went into his childhood…i reminded him that, if he was this heart broken, he must have had some wonderful times and years with his wife. This eased his pain a little. The bottom line was that he felt like he wasted his life with his wife. I reminded him that the relationship ending in heartache did not cancel out the years they were happy together.

When one door closes, another opens, but you must be paying attention, or you will miss the opportunity. Long story short, he asked if I would continue working with him. The same day, a local commercial landlord offered me my fist studio rent free…seemed like a sign to me. So I am here, open, and ready to continue walking down the path of intimacy coach. For this particular man, I imagine that the next step will be for him to heal on a deeper level, let go of his wife, forgive her and himself for any ways he may have contributed.

Then, he will likely want to focus on reclaiming and reviving his sexuality. Sexuality is my forte, so he will be in good hands. I have begun focusing again on Skype sessions, as my location has a somewhat limited client base. I have decided to let go of what society feels my work should be and once again dedicate myself to my practice! That’s all she wrote. From my heart to yours, Joy


Lawless Laws – Bandar Al-Qahtani, A.K.A. Jocktanian Wolf


I fucking love this…Not even sure what it is about it I love, but as I said in my comment, these words makes me horny, and pissed at the world, while also lulling me into passion. I had to share! From my heart to yours, Joy

Originally posted on مساحة ♪ Jocktanian ♫:

Lawless Laws

Written By: Bandar Al-Qahtani

A.K.A. Jocktanian Wolf

Sleeping on with my thoughts, waking up from their dreams…

Spanking hard everything that is not what it seems.

Sucking sweet wet nipples of dreadful hopes…

Leaping off without faith in their mortal slopes.

Reassembling my heart with a careless glue.

Redrawing my soul with a dark tattoo.

Getting drunk from the flawed logic lies they say…

Getting lost off their ways to my own high way.

Getting high on the minds of the low & the sane…

Getting a hell of a blow-job from life’s pain.

Fornicating with the limits of the world in the ass…

Laying waste to façades fools die to amass.

Proving wrong all the lawless laws of man…

Doing all that they don’t ‘cause they can’t & I can.


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Dig Deep and Transform

When I first began blogging, it was part of my daily journal process. I read somewhere that, beyond a few dedicated family members, no one was likely to read a new blog by an unknown author. So, I wrote about some truly personal topics. I was maybe 3-6 months in before I even checked the “stats” area of my wordpress blog.

Then I came across Yaro’s site (blogging guru). I dove in and read everything he had on building a successful blog. I also read The Four Hour Work Week and a variety of business guru style books. My blog had already seen a bit of organic growth. I honestly didn’t change much about my blogging process, I just tweaked a few things and was more careful when creating my post titles. At the time, I was a Hypnotherapist and alternative healer. At some point along this journey, my blog and my practice collided.

People began reading my blog and asking me to teach them what I practiced in my everyday life (healthy intimacy practices, spiritual sex, compassionate communication, etc.). Thinking about what I read on Yaro’s site and all of the business books I read…I gave coaching a try.

I was living on Salt Spring Island, BC, which is a small community of 10,000 folks. It felt a little too close for comfort, so I rented a studio in Victoria, BC and launched my coaching practice. One thing that happened, which truly helped me is that Molly Kaye from Focus Magazine (a local alternative health magazine) booked a four hour session with me and wrote about her experience.

Business and my blog began to truly blossom. Here are the stats from my wordress blog, Tantrachick:

September 20, 2014, 8:34 am
« Return to Stats
Months and Years

2010 1,869
2011 50,462
2012 303,586
2013 240,592
2014 340,509 (So far this year)

The bottom line is that my blog now receives between 260-300 unique visitors daily. Every now and then I get an influx of 400 visitors per hour…honestly not sure why, but it happens :) The extra views in the stats above are from people exploring my blog and reading older posts. When I was providing a combination of in person and phone coaching, sessions I made an income of $4000 my first month and my income fluctuated from $4000 – $7000 per month. I worked 6 days per week, charging $100 per hour and I booked a LOT of sessions.

In 2011, as longtime readers of this blog might remember, I was told that I may have follicular cancer in my thyroid and they thought it might have spread to my lymphatic system and it was likely life threatening. I put off my surgery hoping for some sort of miracle. I got one. When I finally had the surgery, they told me the lump they removed was benign. This was one of the most beautiful gifts I have received in life…

However, as a result of the surgery, I became hormonally imbalanced and I pretty much lost everything…other than my family. I couldn’t be a healer while I was healing and we had put all our eggs in one basket. It took two months to use up our savings…the last few years since the surgery have been up and down. We tried Washington for a bit, then moved to our ranch in Arizona, then went back to Salt Spring Island and finally, we moved near my husband’s home town in rural Iowa (a year ago).

This has been the best move we have made. Four of our 7 children are living with us, two nearby, and one a day drive from our home. We are almost through our immigration process and my husband Mountain starts a fantastic new job next week. Life is good, but here I am, about to get my work authorization in the US and, up until this morning, I was completely lost.

Considering the need for the work I do, I felt like I should stick to what works. Why recreate the wheel? I am fully healed and feeling emotionally strong, but something wasn’t sitting right with me. Yaro recently sent me an email and asked some blunt questions about the direction of my business. Last night I found myself lucid dreaming off and on. I woke up this morning with more clarity than I have had in a few years.

So, this blog will be transforming with me…as will my practice. I have decided to expand my coaching offerings and my writing to include a more balanced approach to life. The topics I am going to cover will evolve as I begin to focus on this new journey to deeper health and wellness in all areas of life. I look forward to sharing my journey with you and hope you come along for the ride! From my heart to yours, Joy


Everyday Love

I am the first to admit that I am a partner oriented woman. Partner oriented might even be an understatement :) I have been in a romantic relationship consistently since I was 14 years old. I have taken 6 months, or a year to be independent of a relationship here or there, but overall, I LOVE to love. Right now, my hubby is working tonnes, going to school full time and commuting to and from work an hour each way.At the same time, I am not able to work or go to school until I receive my US immigration papers…

What this means is that I have nothing but time on my hands and Mountain, well, he has barely any time available. It is sad to say it, but the combination of stress with the lack of time has led to a decline in our sex life. I think it may actually be part of the reason I have been blogging less. Those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile know that I love sex and sensuous intimacy almost as much as I love love.

When this shift first happened, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Our kids are all growing up…the youngest is now 10, which means they don’t need me as much as they used to. The fact that I am living in a small rural Iowa town instead of my beloved Salt Spring hasn’t helped much either. It has taken me some time to adjust to all of the change, but I am now feeling reconnected with myself and with my man.

Today we cuddled while sipping coffee on our front porch, then headed to our favourite Mexican restaurant for a leisurely lunch, then came back and cuddled some more before he left for lunch. We didn’t manage to fit making love into our day, but the connection and love I felt made up for it (well, almost lol). Thank gawd for us and for our sex life, he is about to take a semester off school and is starting a new, less taxing job with a short commute!

Even though I can’t wait to have more time together (and more sex) I learned a lot from the past year. When I am working with clients who tell me that they can barely fit sex into their schedules, in the past I had compassion, but didn’t fully understand where they were coming from. For us, sex is like breath; it is a necessity, so we have made it a priority. However, I can see how, if left untended, one’s sex life could become barely existent.

I think the underlying message is that, to keep the passion alive takes effort. I hear people say that it takes work. Heck, I think I’ve even said that in the past, but I think that, the effort necessary comes naturally if you have the desire. I desire love. I desire passion. I desire connection. I desire foreplay. I desire sex. Which means that, for me, love is in essence, effortless.

That’s all she wrote. From my heart to yours, Joy


Awakening Our Sleeping Sensuality

I received a message today from an individual who is interested in incorporating Tantra into his life, yet unsure how to begin. This is one of the most common questions I am asked by my readers, so I thought I should touch base on the topic here. When I first began my path to incorporating Tantra into my life, I didn’t even realize that’s what I was doing.

I was simply poking around my mom’s book shelf and found “The Joy of Sex”. No one discussed sexuality in my home, so the book literally floored me. I was so intrigued that I continued searching for related books, writings, and later, experiences. I then stumbled upon a Buddhist text that I found equally intriguing.

At 14, I lost my virginity to a date rape situation. Although I had experienced some sexual abuse at the hands of my adopted father, I had managed to keep my virginity in tact. Something about the experience, the pain, suffering, and shame, caused me to become self destructive and reckless. The course of my life changed in a moment. Not because of what happened to me, but because I was unprepared and unsupported.

The experience left me questioning humanity. I wondered if everyone was capable of such horrific violence when no one was watching. Would anyone do such a terrible thing to an unsuspecting young woman? Was the core of each human evil? Because I was damaged and alone, these experiences continued happening to me.

I was like a magnet for abusers. It was as if something in me was broken and every predator could see my weakness. I was a constant target. I experienced a gang rape at 16 and married an abusive man (my first marriage). The gentle, loving touch I had witnessed while reading The Joy of Sex was lost to me. The spiritual teachings in the Buddhist text I read was a distant memory.

A lot of you who have been reading my blog already know these stories and understand on some level my path to sacred sexuality. sorry if this is a repeat for you, but I felt compelled to share today. My intention is to illustrate that, no matter how far down you are…no matter how broken your soul is, there is a path to satisfying sex, passionate connection, and deep intimacy with yourself and your current or future partner. If I can go from a broken little girl who is physically and emotionally shattered, to an empowered woman who fully embraces her sexuality, you can too.

During my teens, I saw glimpses of compassion, of beauty, and of bliss. It was not all bleak and self destructive, I at least had moments that helped me know that I wanted more for myself. It was as if I were walking around with an inner knowledge that, at some point, my life had to get better. Luckily for me, I was right.

I continued exploring spiritual and sexual teachings from around the world. I was inspired by a local speaker to take my studies even deeper. It was not my intention to teach what I learned to others. In fact, I began writing this blog as a sort of “public diary”. It was more of a daily journal practice for me.

It wasn’t until I had been blogging for about a year that I even realized there were “blog stats”. In fact, when I realized people were reading my blog, I immediately deleted it. It was then that my email inbox filled with messages of support. People missed reading about the subjects I was writing about.

That is why I continue to open my path and share my vulnerabilities with you. So that you may also experience the kind of deeply satisfying connection I have manifested in my life. As far as finding your path to spiritual, sacred, sensual connection, I cannot say for sure what direction you must go.

Your path will of course be different than mine. We may have some things in common, but though we are living in the same world and possibly have some shared experiences, your path is unique to you. If you are new to this path, I recommend going to a large bookstore, or an online book store and searching for books on related topics that you feel drawn to.

For me, Tantric Orgasm for Women illuminated my path for me. However, I have recommended this book to others who have not enjoyed it, which is why I recommend finding a book that speaks to you. I recommend incorporating massage into your life if possible. Either with a partner, or a registered masseuse. I am not speaking of the “happy ending” type of massage, just basic human touch with a professional practitioner.

I am not against happy ending massages, I just know that, especially for people in relationships, they can be very destructive. As an advocate for partnership, and loving connection, I ask that you at least contemplate the potential damage from seeking out this type of massage.

Beyond reading and massage, I recommend finding a form of movement that engages you. For me, I love facilitating ecstatic dance workshops and classes. For you, it might be attending a yoga class, or going on a long walk, but moving your body is an integral part of this path.

If you are not a fan of meditation, simply focus on the power of your breath. Breath has the capacity to transform us. It is such a simply path, yet such an effective one. Simply place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen, deepen your breathing pattern and focus on the sensations in your body.

If you have a partner who is equally eager to explore sacred sexuality, wonderful. However, this is also a common challenge that couples face. One partner is open and the other is not. You cannot force your partner to embrace sacred sensuality, it is something they must come to in their on way and in their own time.

I will continue this post and dive deeper into supporting you on your path to sensual awakening, but life calls. From my heart to yours, Joy


The Art of Self Pleasure…

Most North Americans find themselves rushing through their day, simply going through the motions, and in general, we have a tendency to disconnected from our sensuality. Relationships, intimacy, and sex are at the core of my life’s passion and purpose, yet I occasionally find myself in this rushed state. When I check in with myself and feel disconnected, I take the time to reconnect with my inner sensuality…

There are many ways that I enjoy self pleasuring, but one of my favorites is while taking a sensuous shower. Each step on my path to orgasmic bliss is taken with intention. Lighting a candle, shutting off the light, focusing on the glow of the flame, bending down to turn on the flow of hot water…When I first step into the shower, I imagine that the water is washing away any stress or tension held in my body.

I allow the water to flow down over my body, easing me into a more relaxed and centered state of mind. I try to let go of thoughts and just feel my body, the heat of the water and the rhythm of my heartbeat. i take the time to massage my breasts, not only for pleasure, but also for the related health benefits. 

I then let the world to simply disappear as I step into my body and feel the pleasurable sensations awaiting me. I feel my breath deepen, my muscles tense and release as I give in to the sensations and the experience. When I emerge from the shower, I feel the droplets of water on my skin, the tingle in my body, and a sense of calm in my mind. I am free. Try it sometime, it is good for the soul! From my heart to yours, Joy

Photocredit: Imgur

Photocredit: Imgur

Fire Breath

I am not talking about the video game Skyrim, nor am I speaking of the Breath of Fire taught during Kundalini Yoga. This is just a small visualization that I have developed during my years of practicing sacred sexuality in my personal life. It is one of the techniques I use to bring my sensual energy to a “higher vibration”. 

I begin by standing naked with my feet planted firmly on the ground. I imagine that I am drawing breath up through the core of the earth and into my body. I feel the heat from the core of the earth penetrating my body. This aspect of my visualization is about grounding and centering myself.


Next I imagine a gentle wave of heat flowing through my body. As I deepen my breath, I focus on the sound of my breath. I place my right hand over the center of my chest (my heart chakra) and my left hand over the center of my abdomen (my (my sacral chakra). I begin to feel more alive, more at home in my body, and I give myself over to my body. As I continue to breathe, my sensual energy ripples through my body. Try it sometime, you might be pleasantly surprised. From my heart to yours, Joy