Carol Todd Nominated For a "2013 Me to We Award" - Please Vote & Share

Reblogged from Amanda Todd Legacy:

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Please 'Vote and Share with others' on your networks … (repeated voting)

As most of us have already seen and heard, Carol Todd and her family suffered the loss of their daughter, Amanda, to suicide in the fall due to years of bullying and mental health issues. This horrific event has not however kept this amazingly strong and courageous Mama Bear in hiding.  

Read more… 441 more words

Because of my recent experience with cyber-bullying, I am inspired to support Carol Todd. For those of you who are not familiar with her organization, or its motivation...her daughter, Amanda Todd, was severely bullied for an extended period of time. Amanda ended up taking her life. Rather than put her head into the sand and give into despair, this brave mother continues to fight for the rights of other youth. She truly inspires me. I will be voting for her. From my heart to yours, àjoy

Feminism and Sex Work?

This morning I awoke to a Facebook notification letting me know that one of my dear virtual friends, Jeff, has asked me to comment on the following article by Kitty Striker: Some People Enjoy Being Prostitutes…Get Over It! The article is written by a clearly intelligent and well rounded woman who also happens to earn a living as a Sex Worker. In a nutshell, Kitty is exploring the controversy over sex work and feminism. The question she asks and answers is: Can a woman be both a feminist and a sex worker? Her answer is a resounding YES!

Rant Warning…Sometimes I find the level of intelligent ignorance in our world astonishing. I am going to go off on a tangent here…please bare with me. I recently blogged about a cyber bullying situation I was dealing with. After attempting to mediate, sending out various warnings about the legality etc., I finally felt compelled to take more serious actions to stop the constant onslaught of slut-shaming my daughter’s best friend was experiencing.

So, after speaking with the vice principal of the high-school where the cyber bully (an intelligent young man) and the victim (a young girl) we both agreed that it was time to make a report. After the various tragic outcomes of similar cases, I felt confident that our society had learned that swift action must be taken to protect youth (both male and female) from this kind of illegal bullying. Sadly, the local RCMP dropped the ball, even after I sent them a full report with links to the offending social media and Facebook messages the boy sent to this poor gal.

There was enough evidence to nail him to a wall. However, that’s not what the victim desired, nor what she and I felt was the best approach. She simply wanted the right to experience Restorative Justice; a process of mediation in a supportive environment with the offender risking criminal charges if he does not cease and desist. The officer in charge of the case even said that this is precisely what would occur, but sadly…nothing happened.

So this young woman is attempting to move on with her life. Generally speaking, the boy has stopped his direct attack. You may be wondering why I am bringing this up and it might be challenging to see a connection between the article above and this story. Unfortunately, there is a connection. Even though the original cyber bully has stopped, the damage is done. The saddest part is that it is not the young, testosterone laden teen boys who are continuing to keep the negative vibe alive. It is this young woman’s fellow female classmates who are really sticking it to her.

This is one of the core issues faced by our society. Our men are damaged and confused…and our women are equally damaged and confused. I think that sometimes we women like to feel superior. Not only do we want to feel superior to men…no, we also want to find other women to look down upon. Each class of woman wants to look down on a different class of woman.

Some women look down on feminists. Some feminists lump a variety of women together (exotic dancers, sex workers, dominatrixes,

etc.) and look down upon them. Then there are various perceived classifications among women who work in different forms of sensual or sexual entertainment.  For instance, some exotic dancers feel superior to sex workers. Some sex workers think that exotic dancers don’t have the ovaries to take things further. See where I’m going with this?

Like most debates, there is no one right answer to the question – can a woman be both a feminist and a sex worker? Of course, the debate between feminists with opposing attitudes about sex work is far more complex, but I dare say a woman can most definitely earn a living as a sex worker and be an authentic feminist.The bigger question I would like to ask is this; do feminists have the right to dictate to another woman? Do feminists have the right to classify a woman as an anti-feminist based on her chosen livliehood?

From my perspective, to classify a woman based on her profession is not in line with the core goal of feminism. Because the words feminist and feminism are often thrown around without looking at the deeper meaning, let’s bring it down to the basics.

A feminist is defined as: A person who supports feminism.

Feminism is defined as: The advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.

Sometimes we complicate things by breaking them down into tiny parts and over analyzing them and I may be over simplifying things, but as a woman who supports feminism, I am an advocate for women’s right to equality with men. If we look at equality with relation to sex work, it is hard for me to understand why someone would say that a woman is not experiencing equality by working as a sex worker, or similar profession. Men are sex workers, as are women. In fact, sex work is one area where women tend to earn more money than men.

To me, if a woman or man makes a career choice based on either desire or necessity, it does not influence my opinion of them one way or the other. For instance, my husband works as a commercial cleaner; his job is grueling and in some ways humbling. He scrubs floors on his hands and knees for a business that is run by a high powered man. Oh my Gawd, is he an anti-feminist?

Should we create a Feminist for Dummies book that covers what careers are acceptable for feminists and which are not? Maybe female maids who serve a male boss are not true feminists. What I want to know if this — Can you be a feminist if you are employed as a Girl

Friday, a waitress, or a ballerina? See where this line of thinking leads us? It’s utter crazy making! To me, a man or woman who advocates for women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men are “feminists”. regardless of how they earn a living.

If we start segmenting our society into categories Feminist/anti-feminist based on a persons’ career, it is a seriously slippery slope. There are, in fact, many women who work in the sex industry who also advocate for women’s rights. If I ever tell a woman who walks the talk of a feminist, but happens to turn tricks to feed her family that she is not a true feminist, I give you permission to throw rotten tomatoes at me. My last thought on this topic (for now) is a total agreement with Kitty Striker; in life, marginalized women are often the easiest to target. Clearly it is time for change. From my heart to yours, Joy

PS: the Marilyn photo is just to get yer goat guys

Related articles

• Only rights can stop the wrongs: sex workers organise in Scotland (villageaunties.org)
• Celebrate Diversity and Freedom but learn to compromise.. (harlotsparlour.com)
• Decriminalization of Sex Work: Feminist Discourses in Light of Research (sexworkresearch.wordpress.com)

What happened to you was NOT YOUR FAULT!

Trigger Warning.

Sorry for the raw nakedness of this photo, but it speaks volumes. Within this image, there is an embedded message for you to decipher for yourself based on your perceptions and life experiences. It is unfortunate that I feel the need, but I must ask that each person respects the intended message of this image and not make sexual comments about my body. Any thoughts, comments or desire to share your personal experiences….or even requests for support/healing are fully welcome. I also want to honour the women and men in our world who have/will experience any form of sexual assault or abuse. I cherish you. You are worthy. What happened to you was NOT YOUR FAULT!

I also wanted to share something a friend of mine wrote about this image when he first saw it:

“Where to begin?
The first time I interacted with you in depth was on your “victim to goddess thread.” I knew that you had vast experience of the dark and the light. Any attempt at liberating your experience of these things would be an exercise in understatement.

The picture of you with your stepdad and mom was immediately repugnant to me, when combined with your words “He started abusing me as a baby” (paraphrased). I knew, however, to give it time to marinate. The voices of my process reminded me that “The ego speaks first, always screams, and is always lying…” But I was afraid to visit this, or so I was told by my ego.

The memories of childhood tempted to haunt me, but I had already worked through them. And they were nowhere near as repetitive in nature as your experiences. Then you posted the RAPE album. What an ugly image. But wait, is it really ugly? What’s ugly about this set of images? Is it the woman? Absolutely not, you’re classic beautiful with bells and whistles thrown in. Is it the tears running down your face? Not really, because I’ve seen ads with this portrayed before, and it wasn’t ugly, yet it was sad. What about the red handprints all over her body? Were they ugly? No. They were actually artistic.

The thing that the registry of my mind deemed “ugly” was the *combination* of all these pieces, and what they represented. This is an artistic representation of a beautiful woman who is a survivor of horrible things. Things that many people compartmentalize into the boxes labeled “DO NOT OPEN EVER”.

And yet, the box had been opened… and not in a quiet way. This box of rape survivorship had been flung open with screams that said “I WIN!” A true paradox.

The ugly truth was there in plain sight, represented in a way that simply could NOT be ignored. There was no way to “un-see” the pictures. There was no way to “un-process” what they meant. And there was no way to say “I don’t care” or “I don’t want to think about this.” This beautiful survivor and thriving woman had been raped over and over, and the time to process this was now… And I do care.

There is no way to process this without feeling (a) compassion (b) anger, and (c) deep admiration and applause for the courage for you, as a heroine who in effect is saying: “This happened to me, it was NOT MY FAULT, and I SURVIVED AND AM THRIVING!”

In effect, you took the power back from the pig(s) who saw you as an object, those goddamn bastards who, by brute force or intimidation acted without conscience or moral aptitude, and you said I AM ALIVE, I LIVE, I LOVE, and I AM A CONQUEROR. YOU DID NOT KILL ME! I AM STRONGER BECAUSE I SURVIVED YOUR ACTIONS! (AND YOU DESERVE TO BE OUTED FOR YOUR ACTIONS…)

And this woman, this heroine, is someone I am proud to know. Just.Fuckin’.WOW.

Joy Nelson. A Surviving, Thriving, World-changing goddess…”

Related articles

• What to Do If You Are Raped (drlauraberman.com)
• Surviving Rape: He Used To Shout ‘Slut’ Every Time He Saw Me (commonhealth.wbur.org)
• Date Rape is a Sexual Assault (drlauraberman.com)
• Promiscuous character of woman irrelevant in rape cases: SC (ibnlive.in.com)
• Sarelle Sheldon: “I Am Still Sarelle Sheldon” (huffingtonpost.ca)
• Male rape victims in Uganda speak out (toysoldier.wordpress.com)

Guest Posting: A Series of Firsts

Here goes! In my mind this is how things would have panned out had we been able to carry on…..” I undid the top few buttons & guided his hand inside. God that was so hot! I felt like I had an oil slick in my panties!! If he had wanted to touch me down there I would have let him…even though we were in a cinema! But we WERE in a cinema and any fooling around would have been too risky, so we had to wait until the film had ended & we were on the bus home. I leaned into him and he put his arm around me, I positioned myself so that his hand brushed repeatedly against my now hard little nipples and I whispered in his ear that I wanted to please him and have him please me!
We got off the bus one stop before my usual stop and walked over to a rank of shops that had a service/delivery yard at the rear which was a well known spot for teenage lovers to canoodle. As soon as we were out of sight I spun round & kissed him on the lips, our mouths opened and our tongues made contact.Once again I felt my arousal mounting and as I pressed myself against him I felt his hardness through his jeans. His left hand found it’s way back into my blouse and he cupped my right breast tenderly. That was it! I wanted to feel his fingers inside me, I was technically still a virgin as I had not had sexual intercourse yet, but the use of tampons & the fingers of several previous boys probably meant my hymen was well & truly obliterated. I undid the buttons of my Levis and pulled them down as well as my panties just far enough for him to have easy access. He didn’t need any encouragement, his right hand went straight down there and his fingers slipped around in the wet warmth of my vaginal secretions. I had to help him find my clitoris but once he was on target I ground my groin against his hand and I was amazed at not just how wet I was but also how quickly I reached a climax.
I almost collapsed against him, I had to hold onto his shoulder to steady myself, but then it was my turn to give pleasure. I undid the waistband of his jeans & unzipped his fly, as I pulled the waistband of his underpants his erection sprung loose. I looked down as my right hand gasped his manhood. I pulled his foreskin back & gazed at the shiny, taught skin of his glans. A few drops of fluid appeared from his opening & I used my thumb to spread it around, then with my left hand I gently cupped his balls then started to rhythmically masturbate him. He cupped my face in his hands & pulled my face towards his & kissed me deeply again, I could make out the aroma of my own secretions which was still lingering on his fingers. As we kissed I felt as much as heard a soft moan then felt his cock start to twitch in my hand, I quickly switched my left hand from his balls to cover the tip of his cock in readiness for the stream of ejaculate that was about to issue forth. His orgasm was huge, still with his mouth covering mine, he cried out as a hot stream of semen filled my hand then dribbled back down over my other hand and over his shaft.

Photo Credit: Layoutsparks.com

When we were both sated, we adjusted our clothing. We walked, hand in hand, back to my front door where he once again kissed me, this time a bit less passionately and we said our good byes……”
Oh boy, my imagination has the better of me!

Written by Nature Girl

A Series of Firsts: The Kiss

All through elementary school I struggled to fit in. My daily interactions with the world seemed mundane and often times cruel. As I watched the other girls in my class blossom into beautiful young flowers, I must admit, I felt like a skunk cabbage in comparison.

There were a few boys here and there who paid attention to me now and then, but nothing worth mentioning. Well, I guess there was this kid Matthew who sat directly behind me in my home room class who used to enjoy shooting spit balls at my head.

I remember Mr. Zoolak singling me out in front of the class for yelling at Matthew. In my mind, what he was doing was torture. Mr. Zoolak, however, had a different take on things. I did not like his point of view, nor the fact that he decided to share his opinion with my entire fourth grade class.

Mr. Zoolak was quite convinced that this game of spit balls and fury was all about childish love. At the time, I nearly threw up at the idea of it. I mean, for real? Matthew and I were somehow infatuated with each other and were showing our feelings through this immature display of simpleton behaviour?

Though I hate to admit it, Mr. Zoolak may have been onto something. Looking back on it now, I see his point. I mean, I did find Matthew kind of cute and he did ask me out years later at a time when I no longer found him cute. I turned him down flat and crushed his ego. Poor guy:-)

Over the years, things improved. Although the boys still used childish and insulting manners to express their feelings, I definitely gained more popularity as my body developed and I grew out of my awkwardness.

The biggest transformation of my youth happened when I finally entered high school. Before going forward, I am must inform you that the high school I attended was a backwoods, redneck, rock ‘em sock ‘em, borderline psychotic place to learn.

Over the years at SDHS, I would experience sexual assaults, harassment, and some intense bullying, but those are stories for a different day. This story is the one about my first “real kiss”.

The boy who stole my first kiss one stormy night on the corner of Pefferlaw Boulevard and Station Road was just an average guy. His name was Mike Garner and I honestly didn’t really like him all that much, though he definitely had his sights set on me.

He arranged to meet me and a bunch of my friends to go watch a baseball game down at the local ball field. I have never liked organised sports, but in my home town, organised sports are sacred. To avoid being seen as a total hippie chick misfit, I often tagged along and pretended to be interested in whatever God awful sport I forced myself to watch.

This ball game was no different. While everyone else was hooting and hollering, I spent my time unsuccessfully trying not to look bored. Though I must admit, something about how excited Mike got when our team won made me take note. He seemed truly invested in the success of the team. This stood out to me because very few people I knew were truly invested in anything other than the art of getting by.

There was also something about the way Mike looked at me. Of course we all know the old saying “the eyes are the window to the soul”., but his eyes were this and more. He spoke volumes without saying a single word. I liked that about him.

As we walked back to town, he conveniently found himself walking right next to me. I can still remember the feeling of butterflies fluttering in my stomach when I looked to my right and realized how close he was. Our hands brushed briefly and he found the courage to take my hand in his.

My hand was cold, but his was warm and comforting. I accepted his hand while the butterflies in my stomach continued to flutter and the speed of my heart beat increased.

I caught the eye of my best friend, who gave me a smirk. I nearly burst out laughing in response. She always had that effect on me, but I managed to keep my cool, while walking hand in hand with Mike.

Just before we reached town, the sky darkened and a huge crash of thunder startled me, as the sky lit up with bolts of lightning. I remember thinking my heart would burst from the excitement of the moment.

Moments later, I felt the first drops of rain hit my face. I looked up into the sky, welcoming the warm droplets of water. I had not yet thought of what would happen when the rain made my tight white tank top transparent. I was too focused on the feelings building in my body to think that far ahead.

As the rain began to fall, Mike turned me towards him and looked directly into my eyes. Our friends dropped out of my view and I felt a sense of anticipation in the pit of my stomach. Mike looked down briefly taking in my whole body. My eyes naturally followed his and I realized my breasts, which were bare beneath my shirt, were fully visible through my soaking wet top.

I brought my hand to my chest in a sad attempt to cover myself, but Mike pushed my hand away and continued to look me up and down. He brushed my left cheek with his hands, looked into my eyes again and said “you are truly beautiful”.

My eyes cast down in response, but he gently pulled my face towards his and forced me to look into his eyes. Without speaking so much as a word, he led me towards the red brick wall of the Station Restaurant. I turned away from him and leaned against the cold bricks and looked up at him once more.

He leaned  back beside me then pulled my body onto his. I had never been so close to a young man before. The sensations rippling through my body were intense and wondrous. I remember wanting to be closer to him.

I pushed my body against his, feeling his chest brush against my cold, wet nipples. A rush of heat ripped through my body just as Mike’s lips touched mine. His kiss was soft and questioning. It was as if he was asking permission to dig deeper into this moment with me.

I accepted by placing my hands on his face and pulling him even closer to me. His lips passionately explored mine as the sensations in our bodies were unleashed. I parted my lips slightly, giving him permission to go further. His tongue entered my mouth and began caressing my lips.

The feelings running through me were so divine. I felt weak at the knees, yet powerful. We kissed for what seemed like eternity, then I pulled back, signalling that we had gone far enough.

Mike took a deep sigh, removed his jacket, and placed it over my shoulders. As we walked back towards our group of friends in silence I was filled with a sense of wonder and intrigue.

 

Teen Sexuality and Cyber Bullying

 

 

Oh my. Not sure this post is totally on topic per se, but the events I am about to share have consumed my energy for the past two days. I generally do not talk a lot about the intricate details of my kid’s lives, but since this situation was already spread all over Facebook, I think it is safe for me to explore.

I will give you a bit of background so you are up to speed. I have empowered my daughter to learn about and embrace her sexuality. I have taught her all that she will allow me to share with her. I have ensured that she has all of the resources, knowledge and tools necessary to safely and sensually navigate the world.

She is a sexually empowered young woman who truly knows what she wants for herself. Other than a couple of lunch dates with friends who happen to be male, she has intentionally avoided dating. I have supported her in this decision and would also support her if she had a change of heart.

My point? Things have been relatively smooth and uneventful. Until yesterday, that is. The drama that unfolded was not unleashed by my daughter’s actions, but by her best friends actions and those of the boy said friend had been dating.

Her friend’s story is quite classic really. Girl meets boy. Girl likes boy. Girl asks boy out. Girl goes to dance. Girl meets another boy. The other boy kisses girl. This is the part where all hell breaks loose! The short version is this…

The boy who was originally dating my daughter’s friend was naturally hurt and felt betrayed and all that jazz (all this after 1-2 weeks of teen dating). He decides to wage a verbal battle against my daughter’s friend…beyond multiple phone calls to my home (she was sleeping over when this unfolded) this brilliant young man (and I am not being sarcastic, he is honestly quite brilliant) hacks the girl’s Facebook account and posts a really nasty and slanderous status update.

Luckily, I happened to see it right away and had her delete it and change her password immediately. I posted polite but forceful comment on the girl’s wall reminding this boy that what he is doing is over the top and did I mention illegal?

Of course, my daughter, being the empowered young woman she is decides that, considering this is simply another typical case of teenage drama and that things have gone over the top (sparked partially by her friend who was by this time bawling her eyes out and dropping huge tears onto her laptop). She basically threw herself into the middle of things with the best of intentions.

The attack on the girl was now directed at my daughter. My sweet, innocent little girl. I mean, of course I care for her friend, but he actually called my daughter some very, very intense names. Well, this might surprise you a bit about me, so please sit down for this. I grew up in a rock ‘em sock ‘em redneck town in Ontario, Canada.

Where I come from, if you attack a girl’s reputation, it’s war. Literally. I’m talking baseball bats to vehicles, punching each other out…you get the idea, right? When I was a teen, my little sister had a habit of getting herself into hot water and I was always there to defend her.

But this was not my little sister, this was my little girl. My first-born child. My baby girl. And on top of everything else, in all technicality, her only action was to defend her best friend in the face of some seriously emotionally abusive crap.

I felt my entire body vibrating. My little girl was now shaking and looking close to tears. My 9-year-old daughter looked concerned and was wondering what the heck was going on. In just a few moments, our peaceful home was in a state of emotional turmoil. And honestly the warrior goddess within was unearthed…I wanted to kick this punk’s ass!

Luckily, I managed to find my breath and my center. Mountain talked me down a bit and I once again found my inner calmness. I asked the girls to block this kid from their Facebook accounts and not communicate with him or anyone else connected to this situation until I had some time to contemplate how we should move forward.

Well, today is Sunday and tomorrow is another day in paradise (Highschool). I decided that, especially considering I had home schooled my daughter all the way up until high school so that she could be herself without anyone else negatively influencing how she felt about herself (and many other far more empowering reasons) that I was not going to let some kid wreck her day/life.

As we all know, when you’re a teenager, your emotions run high and even the smallest thing can make you feel like it’s the end of the world. This was not just a small thing. My daughter had been called a whore and a slut simply because she stuck up for her friend! This struck a core issue with me. What do those kind of harsh names have to do with sticking up for your friend? Absolutely frigging nothing, that’s what!

Although I was cursing Facebook for providing this boy with a platform to slander and verbally attack my girls, I decided to use it to my advantage. First off, I had written proof of everything that had taken place. In addition, I could communicate directly with this kid.

Which is exactly what I did. I managed to find my logical, diplomatic hat, force it onto my head and I began mediating. It took a long time to have a break through. At first, I wasn’t even sure if the kid would respond. He did. At first, he was condescending and unable to see how he had even remotely contributed to the situation.

I was able to enlighten him. After a lengthy discussion via back and forth messages, we came to an agreement and found resolution. He acknowledged how his reaction to this incident had affected not only my daughter and her friend, but also my family. My main points were that his actions, especially towards my daughter, were unwarranted. I also educated him about healthy communication and emotional processing. Not to mention the legal implications of slander, bullying and hacking someone else’s Facebook account.

He retracted what he has said about my daughter, and agreed that, if my daughter withdrew from all discussion that he would also stop. He eventually even apologized for directing his anger at my daughter and for disrupting my family time. All in all, it was an intense situation that could have ended badly. I actually ended up thanking him for taking the time to communicate with me and finding resolution. I even wished him better luck in his future romantic connections

After seeing how intensely each person involved felt about their own perspective, I found myself gaining a deeper understanding of how cyber bullying happens and what can be done about it. There are definitely times where parental involvement is not enough to stop cyber bullying. However, if parents are paying close attention in a caring and compassionate manner, there is a chance that parental involvement is precisely what is needed to rapidly end the bullying.

As for the young woman who was directly involved in this situation, I had a serious talk with her about her own contribution to the conflict. I in no way shamed her or made her feel responsible for this young man’s emotional tirade. However, I asked her to reflect not only on her actions, but also her choice to date at such a young age. Not to mention her choice in partners.

I told her that, she is a beautiful young woman and she made a mistake. I let

her know that we all make mistakes, but that learning from our mistakes is what defines our character and consequently how we lead our lives. Funny, it was the same thing I said to the boy about his actions.

I know that, for some teens, the onslaught of verbal abuse and bullying goes on for so long and becomes so intense that the only escape they see is to end their lives. This deeply saddens me and illustrates how much work needs to be done to create a compassionate and safe society for our youth. I have my fingers crossed and am hoping that this awful situation is truly behind us. I also like to think that, in the process, I created some small, positive change in each of their lives.

 

 

 

Related articles

• Cyber Bullying Victims: Celebrities (thekelleymoody.wordpress.com)
• The Era of Cyber-Bullying by Alex Lewis (eng1050175.wordpress.com)
• What Are Your Children Doing Online? (ireport.cnn.com)

 

Activate your Intrinsic Sensuality

Motherhood (Photo credit: ignatzmice)

Mountain first bought me a copy of Diana Richardson’s book, Tantric Orgasm for Women as a Christmas present almost 10 years ago. Although I had been studying Tantra and experimenting sexually for many years, this book truly changed my life forever.

The other day, I cracked open the little gem and began re-reading this life altering book. Reading it now does not hold the same power for me. I needed to hear the words contained in Tantric Orgasm for Women when I first read it, but I have evolved and no longer need the lessons within.

However, it is hard to say what would have happened to my self-development and feminine evolution had I not read the right book for me at the optimal time in my life. I know from both the comments and the emails I receive that some of you are in a place in your life where a book entirely dedicated to pleasure, orgasm and/or sensuous exploration is just what you need.

I cannot be sure if the book that changed my life and subsequently my sex life is the same book you need right now. With this in mind, I would like to ask my empowered blog readers to share the title and a brief personal description of a book that was important to your sexual/emotional/sensual development (both men and women please).

When I first read Tantric Orgasm for Women, the chapter that held the most power for me was: Women as Lover during Menstruation, Fertility, Pregnancy, Motherhood, and Menopause. Even though I was sexually empowered, the main female role models in my life; all of whom were  mothers (including my mother) were NOT sexually empowered or sensually expressive. I did not fit the mold.

When I gave birth to my first child, I equated that moment in my life with a new phase of self-sacrifice and sexual repression. Somehow, through observing the authoritative women in my life and developing a belief system about womanhood, I honestly felt shameful when I felt aroused, which happened/happens many, many moments throughout each day.

When I gave in to my desire and brought myself to increasing peaks of sexual pleasure, I felt guilty. Even worse, was when I opened myself fully to penetrative sex. There was something broken in me. Something damaged. I was completely lost.

Luckily, I am a woman who trusts her intuition. During the first few years of motherhood, I experienced tension headaches, back aches, and various feminine issues (ovarian cysts, intense menstrual cramps, mastitis, etc.). My body was wrathful. I was denying myself deep, sexual pleasure. I was no longer following my bliss.

Although I had already worked through much of my issues related to womanhood, motherhood and female sexuality; Diana, with her gentle wisdom and encouragement validated what I already knew to be true. I am a sexually empowered woman. Pleasure is my birth right. To deny my need for sexual satisfaction and sensual connection with my lover causes dis-ease in my body. Sexual connection, pleasure and exploration heals the dis-ease in my body. Truly.

I want to encourage each of you to check in with yourself. You are not the same person you were 10 years ago and you are not the same person now that you will be 10 years from now. You as a sexual being are constantly evolving. While you are checking in with yourself, be aware of how you feel about your sexuality as it expresses itself in this phase of your life

When I check in with myself, I close my eyes, place one hand on my heart, the other on my solar plexus, and focus on my breath. As I connect with the rhythm of my breath, I allow my mind to flow through my body, looking for places that I am holding tension. As I discover tension, I send my breath to the area of my body holding stress.

As the tension and stress melt from me, I connect with my inner arousal. I don’t just mean sexual arousal…I am speaking of something deeper than the physical arousal in my body. What I am speaking of is the emotional, physical and spiritual arousal held within. When my emotions, my spirit and my physical body are healthy and joyous, I am more connected with my sexuality.

Though my life is not without challenges and change, I dedicate my mind to the practice of embracing both the challenges and the changes in my life. I draw on my inner resources to create balance in my life. A relevant quote:

“Deep within man dwell those slumbering powers; powers that would astonish him, that he never dreamed of possessing; forces that would revolutionize his life if aroused and put into action.” -Orison Swett Marden-

Joy: Into Me See…

While you are checking in with yourself, focus on those slumbering powers that dwell deep within you. Know that you have powers that you never dreamed you possess. If you awaken your intrinsic power and put it into action, you will revolutionize your life. By revolutionizing your life, your sex life naturally evolves as well.

For me, I am motivated by sensuous living and sexual passion. You must discover your personal motivation. Don’t follow my lead. Discover or re-discover what motivates you, what arouses your inner power. Awaken and bring awareness to your intrinsic sensual qualities. That’s all she wrote. From my heart to yours, Joy

Related articles

• Sexual Energy is Our Life Force… (angelabrentharris.com)