Everyday Love

I am the first to admit that I am a partner oriented woman. Partner oriented might even be an understatement :) I have been in a romantic relationship consistently since I was 14 years old. I have taken 6 months, or a year to be independent of a relationship here or there, but overall, I LOVE to love. Right now, my hubby is working tonnes, going to school full time and commuting to and from work an hour each way.At the same time, I am not able to work or go to school until I receive my US immigration papers…

What this means is that I have nothing but time on my hands and Mountain, well, he has barely any time available. It is sad to say it, but the combination of stress with the lack of time has led to a decline in our sex life. I think it may actually be part of the reason I have been blogging less. Those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile know that I love sex and sensuous intimacy almost as much as I love love.

When this shift first happened, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Our kids are all growing up…the youngest is now 10, which means they don’t need me as much as they used to. The fact that I am living in a small rural Iowa town instead of my beloved Salt Spring hasn’t helped much either. It has taken me some time to adjust to all of the change, but I am now feeling reconnected with myself and with my man.

Today we cuddled while sipping coffee on our front porch, then headed to our favourite Mexican restaurant for a leisurely lunch, then came back and cuddled some more before he left for lunch. We didn’t manage to fit making love into our day, but the connection and love I felt made up for it (well, almost lol). Thank gawd for us and for our sex life, he is about to take a semester off school and is starting a new, less taxing job with a short commute!

Even though I can’t wait to have more time together (and more sex) I learned a lot from the past year. When I am working with clients who tell me that they can barely fit sex into their schedules, in the past I had compassion, but didn’t fully understand where they were coming from. For us, sex is like breath; it is a necessity, so we have made it a priority. However, I can see how, if left untended, one’s sex life could become barely existent.

I think the underlying message is that, to keep the passion alive takes effort. I hear people say that it takes work. Heck, I think I’ve even said that in the past, but I think that, the effort necessary comes naturally if you have the desire. I desire love. I desire passion. I desire connection. I desire foreplay. I desire sex. Which means that, for me, love is in essence, effortless.

That’s all she wrote. From my heart to yours, Joy


Awakening Our Sleeping Sensuality

I received a message today from an individual who is interested in incorporating Tantra into his life, yet unsure how to begin. This is one of the most common questions I am asked by my readers, so I thought I should touch base on the topic here. When I first began my path to incorporating Tantra into my life, I didn’t even realize that’s what I was doing.

I was simply poking around my mom’s book shelf and found “The Joy of Sex”. No one discussed sexuality in my home, so the book literally floored me. I was so intrigued that I continued searching for related books, writings, and later, experiences. I then stumbled upon a Buddhist text that I found equally intriguing.

At 14, I lost my virginity to a date rape situation. Although I had experienced some sexual abuse at the hands of my adopted father, I had managed to keep my virginity in tact. Something about the experience, the pain, suffering, and shame, caused me to become self destructive and reckless. The course of my life changed in a moment. Not because of what happened to me, but because I was unprepared and unsupported.

The experience left me questioning humanity. I wondered if everyone was capable of such horrific violence when no one was watching. Would anyone do such a terrible thing to an unsuspecting young woman? Was the core of each human evil? Because I was damaged and alone, these experiences continued happening to me.

I was like a magnet for abusers. It was as if something in me was broken and every predator could see my weakness. I was a constant target. I experienced a gang rape at 16 and married an abusive man (my first marriage). The gentle, loving touch I had witnessed while reading The Joy of Sex was lost to me. The spiritual teachings in the Buddhist text I read was a distant memory.

A lot of you who have been reading my blog already know these stories and understand on some level my path to sacred sexuality. sorry if this is a repeat for you, but I felt compelled to share today. My intention is to illustrate that, no matter how far down you are…no matter how broken your soul is, there is a path to satisfying sex, passionate connection, and deep intimacy with yourself and your current or future partner. If I can go from a broken little girl who is physically and emotionally shattered, to an empowered woman who fully embraces her sexuality, you can too.

During my teens, I saw glimpses of compassion, of beauty, and of bliss. It was not all bleak and self destructive, I at least had moments that helped me know that I wanted more for myself. It was as if I were walking around with an inner knowledge that, at some point, my life had to get better. Luckily for me, I was right.

I continued exploring spiritual and sexual teachings from around the world. I was inspired by a local speaker to take my studies even deeper. It was not my intention to teach what I learned to others. In fact, I began writing this blog as a sort of “public diary”. It was more of a daily journal practice for me.

It wasn’t until I had been blogging for about a year that I even realized there were “blog stats”. In fact, when I realized people were reading my blog, I immediately deleted it. It was then that my email inbox filled with messages of support. People missed reading about the subjects I was writing about.

That is why I continue to open my path and share my vulnerabilities with you. So that you may also experience the kind of deeply satisfying connection I have manifested in my life. As far as finding your path to spiritual, sacred, sensual connection, I cannot say for sure what direction you must go.

Your path will of course be different than mine. We may have some things in common, but though we are living in the same world and possibly have some shared experiences, your path is unique to you. If you are new to this path, I recommend going to a large bookstore, or an online book store and searching for books on related topics that you feel drawn to.

For me, Tantric Orgasm for Women illuminated my path for me. However, I have recommended this book to others who have not enjoyed it, which is why I recommend finding a book that speaks to you. I recommend incorporating massage into your life if possible. Either with a partner, or a registered masseuse. I am not speaking of the “happy ending” type of massage, just basic human touch with a professional practitioner.

I am not against happy ending massages, I just know that, especially for people in relationships, they can be very destructive. As an advocate for partnership, and loving connection, I ask that you at least contemplate the potential damage from seeking out this type of massage.

Beyond reading and massage, I recommend finding a form of movement that engages you. For me, I love facilitating ecstatic dance workshops and classes. For you, it might be attending a yoga class, or going on a long walk, but moving your body is an integral part of this path.

If you are not a fan of meditation, simply focus on the power of your breath. Breath has the capacity to transform us. It is such a simply path, yet such an effective one. Simply place one hand on your chest and the other on your abdomen, deepen your breathing pattern and focus on the sensations in your body.

If you have a partner who is equally eager to explore sacred sexuality, wonderful. However, this is also a common challenge that couples face. One partner is open and the other is not. You cannot force your partner to embrace sacred sensuality, it is something they must come to in their on way and in their own time.

I will continue this post and dive deeper into supporting you on your path to sensual awakening, but life calls. From my heart to yours, Joy


The Art of Self Pleasure…

Most North Americans find themselves rushing through their day, simply going through the motions, and in general, we have a tendency to disconnected from our sensuality. Relationships, intimacy, and sex are at the core of my life’s passion and purpose, yet I occasionally find myself in this rushed state. When I check in with myself and feel disconnected, I take the time to reconnect with my inner sensuality…

There are many ways that I enjoy self pleasuring, but one of my favorites is while taking a sensuous shower. Each step on my path to orgasmic bliss is taken with intention. Lighting a candle, shutting off the light, focusing on the glow of the flame, bending down to turn on the flow of hot water…When I first step into the shower, I imagine that the water is washing away any stress or tension held in my body.

I allow the water to flow down over my body, easing me into a more relaxed and centered state of mind. I try to let go of thoughts and just feel my body, the heat of the water and the rhythm of my heartbeat. i take the time to massage my breasts, not only for pleasure, but also for the related health benefits. 

I then let the world to simply disappear as I step into my body and feel the pleasurable sensations awaiting me. I feel my breath deepen, my muscles tense and release as I give in to the sensations and the experience. When I emerge from the shower, I feel the droplets of water on my skin, the tingle in my body, and a sense of calm in my mind. I am free. Try it sometime, it is good for the soul! From my heart to yours, Joy

Photocredit: Imgur

Photocredit: Imgur

Fire Breath

I am not talking about the video game Skyrim, nor am I speaking of the Breath of Fire taught during Kundalini Yoga. This is just a small visualization that I have developed during my years of practicing sacred sexuality in my personal life. It is one of the techniques I use to bring my sensual energy to a “higher vibration”. 

I begin by standing naked with my feet planted firmly on the ground. I imagine that I am drawing breath up through the core of the earth and into my body. I feel the heat from the core of the earth penetrating my body. This aspect of my visualization is about grounding and centering myself.


Next I imagine a gentle wave of heat flowing through my body. As I deepen my breath, I focus on the sound of my breath. I place my right hand over the center of my chest (my heart chakra) and my left hand over the center of my abdomen (my (my sacral chakra). I begin to feel more alive, more at home in my body, and I give myself over to my body. As I continue to breathe, my sensual energy ripples through my body. Try it sometime, you might be pleasantly surprised. From my heart to yours, Joy





Blissful Bodywork

Over the past year or so, I have not been practicing. I am so passionate about my work that it feels like a part of my soul has been missing. I am currently in the process of becoming a permanent resident here in the US. I cannot wait to begin practicing again! While I was contemplating my future studio, I began looking through the thousands of bodywork pictures I have. Then I found my collection ~ Blissful Bodywork..I am feeling like ti may be time for me to finish the project so that I can finally share it with you…Here is one of the photos from the shoot. From my heart to yours, Joy


Tantra With Joy…

During my teens, I was shy, unsure of myself, and had some major self-esteem issues. I had a tendency to dress in bulky clothing that deflected attention away from my body. Part of my motivation was to deflect the attention of my adopted dad who began sexually assaulting me as a young child. My efforts failed…my dad and the boys I went to school with saw beyond my efforts to block their attention. As a result, I found myself slipping into a state of self-hatred. I began punishing myself by withholding food (anorexia) and purging after eating (bulimia).

During my late teens I experienced a major breakthrough and began loving my body. When looking back on that time of my life, I often wonder what the catalyst for my transformation was. I find it hard to say, but honestly, it was my introduction to the book “The Joy of Sex” and my exploration of “Tantra”. Through sex, I was able to completely immerse myself in the physical and spiritual experience of being fully in my body.

When I was lost in those moments, immersed in another person, I wasn’t thinking about anything at all other than the feelings I was experiencing. Although I struggled with the ability to experience orgasms through penetration alone, it didn’t take away from the joy I felt within. I wasn’t in love, with the young men I dated at that time in my life. In fact, I don;t even think I was capable of authentic love at that stage of my life.

However, as I grew, matured, and became a woman, I found myself seeking more. I found more. When I first entered into the relationship with my current partner, I was still damaged and had a lot of work to do. Once we did the work together and independently, magic became possible. This week, we shared a meal, had a couple glasses of wine, exchanged massage and made love for hours. During an orgasmic moment, I had an epiphany of sorts. I realized that I simply MUST continue teaching others how to break through with their own partners…how to experience magic.

That is my mission in life…to promote healthy and joyous expression of sensual energy, deep intimacy with oneself and another, and an understanding of love and sex as a natural part of life. Through Tantra, I discovered a holistic approach to living life that meshes ancient wisdom, modern wisdom, and our body’s wisdom. As our minds, bodies, and spirits begin to heal, our hearts open to receive pleasure in life, love, and during our sexual experiences. It is my true passion to guide individuals, whether on their own or as a couple, on their path to sensual awakening…

That’s all she wrote. From my heart to yours, Joy


Deborah de Robertis: performance artist or nude exhibitionist?


Well, whether or not is was for her, or for the viewers, I think it was brave! You go gal!

Originally posted on Jennie's Palette:

Deborah de Robertis performing Mirror of Origin (2014)

Deborah de Robertis performing Mirror of Origin (2014) – Photo: Video still via DailyMotion.

On May 29 the Luxembourgian performance artist Deborah de Robertis visited Paris’s Musée d’Orsay, sat down in front of Gustave Courbet’s infamous 1866 painting L’Origine du monde (Origin of the World), and recreated the iconic image in the flesh. In a video of the piece, titled Mirror of Origin, the artist can be seen dressed in a gold sequin dress, exposing her vagina while the museum’s security guards crowding around her and usher cheering visitors out of the gallery. The artist was eventually taken away by police. The museum and two of its guards have filed sexual exhibitionism complaints against the artist.

“If you ignore the context, you could construe this performance as an act of exhibitionism, but what I did was not an impulsive act,” De Robertis told Luxemburger Wort. “There is a gap…

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