18 Comments

Rape, Sexual Healing and True Bliss…


Today is not the day to tell my “story”…Today is a day to celebrate how far I have come…I have walked through hell…faced intense moments of fear, anger and in fact rage…to get to where I am today. It was a long journey, filled with intense moments of both suffering and then bliss…but today, I am an empowered woman who embraces her sexuality and is able to both give and receive pleasure…pleasure beyond measure. Mountain wrote about the experience from his perspective and gave me permission to share…

Mountain: “When Joy and I first began our journey towards love, harmony and sexual bliss we were both young and had a lot to learn.  I think the biggest thing we had going for us was our desire to please each other emotionally and physically and compassion and understanding when it came to each other’s limitations and hang ups based on our past relationships.

While Joy had a wonderful desire to please me sensually from the first moment we allowed ourselves to give in to our passion and she had an innate sense of what I wanted to know and experience with her it took many years, full of steps ahead and steps back, tears and joy for her to learn to trust me enough to let herself be herself and experience total trust and sexual bliss.  I needed to be gentle and kind.  I needed to cry with her and feel her anger.  I needed to trust her to know how far she could go and sometimes stretch her boundaries lovingly, respectfully and gently, attentive to the language her eyes and body spoke, knowing when she was or wasn’t ready to experience something outside of her comfort zone.

I think it’s extremely important for people embarking on the journey of sensual discovery to understand that it isn’t all bliss and sexual satisfaction.  The chance that you or your partner has experienced some sort of sexual abuse or emotional abuse is unfortunately very likely.  Working through these issues can be painful and frustrating.  In extreme cases certain ways of touch, words, smells or countless other environmental factors can lead to a sudden memory of hurt or abuse.

This can leave you and/or your lover feeling guilty and or shameful.  It can make you feel hurt or angry at the abuser, at your partner, at yourself.  It can stop sexual bliss in an instant.  It is these moments of stark reality and total openness that can however be the most groundbreaking and lead to greater connection and progress in learning to connect with your partner.

Putting aside your arousal immediately and listening to or holding your partner leads to a greater sense of trust and, in my experience, deeper trust leads to deeper pleasure.  It is our ability to love unselfishly and unconditionally in even the most heated moments that shows we are truly ready for the next step toward sexual and emotional bliss.”

Joy: This is a series of self portraits I created yesterday (day 3 of my 101 days of self reflection through photography). The point of these photos was to release the image that was trapped in my mind. There are so many layers to the healing process..as we peel them away…there is a sense of unlimited freedom. Last night, I must have unearthed something…It was not the process of creating these images that unearthed my emotions. It was the responses of other men and women who messaged me on Facebook, or emailed me their own stories…because the images unearthed something in them..that opened me up.

After a day of supporting and being supported…holding and being held…I found myself exhausted and raw with emotion. Mountain and I were making love, but as we lay in connection, I began to sob….this has not happened for many years. It was not my story as much as the stories of others around the world that brought me to my knees (emotionally). However, I felt a huge release. Mountain and I have overcome the most intense challenges and we have done it together. I want this same level of freedom for every man, woman and child that walks the earth…May you be happy. May you be free. May we be happy. May we be free. From my heart to yours, Joy

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18 comments on “Rape, Sexual Healing and True Bliss…

  1. Truly amazing Joy,i see why for some reason ,i chose you to open up to as well.hank you & mountain.

  2. Wow, that was really emotional reading! As you know I have been really busy lately, what with family commitments and a hectic work schedule, I have hardly had the time to read any of you last posts. So it’s fitting that my first visit back here should coincide with this piece. You know how much I appreciate your advice, your help, your now intimate understanding of where I come from spiritually and sexually, your trust in me and most of all our cyber friendship. I want all your other readers to be aware of how much work you put into not only this blog, but all the other projects you are involved in, so that they can put some sort of perspective on the drain it must put on your energy, your emotions and your spirit. All this with the backdrop of your less than wonderful life up until you met Mountain. All this healing would be enough to sap the energy from a superhero, so how you find the strength to be the rock you are is beyond me. Then to cap it all you are finding the time to have beautiful sex while raising this beautiful family…….
    I dare say that Bob is also finding out how wonderful you are, let’s hope the rest of your readers appreciate you too.

    • Yes, I must admit, yesterday was an emotional day. Actually, it started the day before with a huge debate on Facebook about children’s safety/photos/the Internet. The blog is where I come to express myself, to be transparent in the sharing of my path. The intention is simple. To inspire others. Thank you for understanding how much effort and work it takes. It is a lot sometimes, but I can’t stop! I receive so many inspirational responses from people across the globe. In my own way I get to e a part of the solution! I am o driven…by my passion for the sexual health and well being of others that I just find myself continuing without thought:-) Yesterday is a day where I felt drained…but today is another one of our son’s birthday. Or youngest son turns 12 today! We have a new German Shepard puppy and the sun is shining…Life is beautiful. I appreciate your sentiment and your continued support and hope that you are managing to care for yourself with all that YOU are facing, my dear friend! From my heart to yours, Joy

  3. Joy,

    You and Mountain are truly amazing. Thank you so much for sharing this very intimate part of your life. It brings to mind things from my youth that may be impacting my wife and my intimacy even now. Love and light to you both!!

  4. I thought I knew.

    All there was to know about healing old abuse and the deep cell memories of that strange mixture of pleasure and pain, excitement and dread, understanding and bewilderment which the child goes through in scenes way beyond the child’s Earthly awareness and maturity and innocence. In childhood pre-adolescent dreams and at the soul level other things may and did happen, but Earth was a place of very, very mixed messages and totally bewildering.

    I remember I would just “leave” – I would go into the dream worlds, the music worlds, the worlds of amazing colourful and rich religious imagery – and suddenly I was the man about to be crucified – it matched what was going on in my “normal” Earthly life – the Earthly terrified boy and the man-guru they had just whipped within an inch of his losing consciousness. Add the sex, and this was the most potent initiation into Cosmic Knowing an early pubescent boy can have – after those long years I never needed time alone on a mountain top to “become a man.”

    Many, many years later I was able to face the man who had abused me. And later I found I hadn’t just forgiven him, I found I loved him for having “loved” me the way he did, however warped and wrong and abusing of my childhood innocence.

    My childhood innocence?

    And then you, Joy, started posting your pictures on rape and abuse. As soon as I saw them and read what you wrote my stomach turned into a raging storm. And each time I went back and read and saw the new pictures and the new descriptions my stomach turned even more. I couldn’t understand. I’ve read what people have written about their childhood abuse, I’ve worked with so many rape victims, with survivors of abuse, done shamanic journeys myself and with them, I’ve done the whole gamut of Rebirthing, worked on shamanic trauma release, my hips and groin feel free, I love touch in all those places – I really felt I’d seen and done it all. But my stomach was telling me another story – and now the feeling was becoming unbearable.

    And here I am tonight, a cold evening in late March, in a small town in the Italian mountains in an old family house which has seen its own scenes of cruelty and misplaced sexuality over its 300 years of existence. And, for some strange reason, I ask my inner pendulum about my first 5 years of childhood – long before the pre-pubescent experiences. And it comes flooding back to me once again that I only have about 8 or 9 scenes that I remember from the whole of that time – maybe fewer; I’d often wondered about this oddity but never given it much thought, since nothing had come up. But then, here I am again in the excruciatingly painful world of your pictures and I feel I must ask the inner me if I was abused as a small child – does this account for my lack of remembering anything from that time, apart from one nightmare and a few non-descript scenes?

    To my dismay and anguish I hear an absolute “Yes”!

    My childhood innocence? It never was. And there is suddenly that space of complete emptiness and even stronger bewilderment as I struggle to remember. But at the same time, all the oddities of my very strange family and how they have manifested strategies and coped with veiled terrors and repeated secrets, fall, like jigsaw pieces, all into place.

    And I breathe out. Exhausted.

    The inner sorrow is overwhelming but there is relief at this knowing; for when I’ve given myself time to re-visit the grief and terror in its fullness and once again let the rage be felt and then the hurt, I will then know me fully as I am known – for the first time ever. And that, believe me, is quite something!!!

    And in that moment I will gently reclaim the missing piece of my Soul Retrieval – that which I didn’t know about, that which I couldn’t see, that which has evaded me without my ever having a clue that it wasn’t there – and I will reach for my baby and cuddle and stroke him back to safety. A long, long, long time.

    And then, I will take the Divine by the hand and with dancing steps and whoops of excitement, re-write my destiny, co-creating my Life from a new vantage point of Uninhibited Empowerment and Unlimited Embodied Sensuality and Real Bliss.

    Thank you, Joy, for your gift to me.

    John O

    • Namaste John,

      I have read your heartfelt sharing message and am sending positive energy. If found myself needing to take a day to do some internal work and to just be…I wanted to respond and let you know that I am thinking of you and will respond in depth tomorrow…when I am done taking a bit of “personal time”…healing is a life long journey! You are brave and beautiful! From my heart to yours, Joy

      • You are so worhty of your time and space for you, Joy – that Divinely Embodied You who inspires so much in the rest of us!

        This must have been an apple just needing that breath of wind to fall at the right time in the right place, fully mature – as though all the preparation work had been done in the secret recesses of the heart and body, behind “closed doors”! This morning, I was able, unfettered, to journey into Heaven and tear up the old contract! Yes, read that again – I’ve torn up the old contract – witnessed by legions of angels and other stars and beings!!! My inner infant boy is now returned to me in wholeness in my body and cells on Earth (happened very movingly last night) and I Know I Am Whole. There is a feeling of incredible Joy in me this morning, of possibility, of wonder – not in any naive way (I see the geo-engineering and the state of where we are in this Shift even more clearly) but I know experientially in my cells that I Am Free.

        I often weep for Joy (one of those strange Aquarian traits, I am told) – today I am laughing and jumping for Joy through floods of tears.

        Thank you for being instrumental in helping me bring back what I was “missing” – I am recreating my Life, celebrating the writing of my new Heaven-on-Earth contract, and, oh boy(!) is this going to be FUN!!!!

        cyberhugs!!!

        J

      • Hi John,

        This morning, I closed my eyes…and I walked with you..I found your spirit waiting…eagerly…and and together we cried, talked, and released the trauma within so that we could both feel supported our our journeys to sensual awakening and total…complete and utter bliss! And so, we are free! So you see yourself, so you become…FREE! From my heart to yours…I am so pleased to have you, Jeff, Luck, NG, ruby, Farhana, Anne-Marie, Bob, Bhairav Nath and all of the wonderful people in this beautiful bloggie circle:-) Namaste, Joy

  5. Thank you so much for sharing, when I’m stuck in my head thinking about the past I feel like I’m the only one, or it was all my fault.

    • You’re welcome. You are not the only one. One no level are you alone…and WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU WAS NOT YOUR FAULT! If possible, take some time to just breathe and be. If you can find it within yourself, try saying out loud “I deep and completely love and accept myself.” There is power in those small words! I am here…From my heart to yours, Joy

  6. Wanted to share this Facebook post in response to my album, RAPE….

    “Where to begin?

    The first time I interacted with you in depth was on your “victim to goddess thread.” I knew that you had vast experience of the dark and the light. Any attempt at literating your experience of these things would be an exercise in understatement.

    The picture of you with your stepdad and mom was immediately repugnant to me, when combined with your words “He started abusing me as a baby” (paraphrased). I knew, however, to give it time to marinate. The voices of my process reminded me that “The ego speaks first, always screams, and is always lying…” But I was afraid to visit this, or so I was told by my ego.

    The memories of childhood tempted to haunt me, but I had already worked through them. And they were nowhere near as repetitive in nature as your experiences. Then you posted the RAPE album. What an ugly image. But wait, is it really ugly? What’s ugly about this set of images? Is it the woman? Absolutely not, you’re classic beautiful with bells and whistles thrown in. Is it the tears running down your face? Not really, because I’ve seen ads with this portrayed before, and it wasn’t ugly, yet it was sad. What about the red handprints all over her body? Were they ugly? No. They were actually artistic.

    The thing that the registry of my mind deemed “ugly” was the *combination* of all these pieces, and what they represented. This is an artistic representation of a beautiful woman who is a survivor of horrible things. Things that many people compartmentalize into the boxes labeled “DO NOT OPEN EVER”.

    And yet, the box had been opened… and not in a quiet way. This box of rape survivorship had been flung open with screams that said “I WIN!” A true paradox.

    The ugly truth was there in plain sight, represented in a way that simply could NOT be ignored. There was no way to “un-see” the pictures. There was no way to “un-process” what they meant.

    And there was no way to say “I don’t care” or “I don’t want to think about this.” This beautiful survivor and thriving woman had been raped over and over, and the time to process this was now… And I do care.

    There is no way to process this without feeling (a) compassion (b) anger, and (c) deep admiration and applause for the courage for you, as a heroine who in effect is saying: “This happened to me, it was NOT MY FAULT, and I SURVIVED AND AM THRIVING!”

    In effect, you took the power back from the pig(s) who saw you as an object, those goddamn bastards who, by brute force or intimidation acted without conscience or moral aptitude, and you said I AM ALIVE, I LIVE, I LOVE, and I AM A CONQUEROR. YOU DID NOT KILL ME! I AM STRONGER BECAUSE I SURVIVED YOUR ACTIONS! (AND YOU DESERVE TO BE OUTED FOR YOUR ACTIONS…)

    And this woman, this heroine, is someone I am proud to know. Just.Fuckin’.WOW.

    Joy Nelson. A Surviving, Thriving, World-changing goddess…”

  7. I was getting ready to post that. I thank you for being proactive.

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